Londoners jubilant as dingy overcrowded labyrinth stays open

There has been singing in the tunnels as the government has announced that London’s catacombs will be open to the public as usual this week.

Last week’s 48 hour shut-out saw millions of troglophiles forced into the daylight, where they were denied the opportunity to be squashed together in tiny compartments and ferried through dank underground vesicles from chamber to identical chamber. 

The most disorientated subterraneans were found wandering the streets like excommunicated ants, desperately hoping for a tunnel at the end of the light.  

Mr Minotaur, a spokesman for the underground dwellers, roared: ‘What’s the world coming to? It’s the twenty-first century and I’ve been deprived of the right to experience dystopian misery on a mass scale first thing in the morning’.

To add insult to injury, some lost souls experienced an even bigger increase in their levels of uprootedness after being encouraged to whizz freely through the fresh air on bicycles.  

Thankfully, millions will now avoid this dreadful fate for another week.  

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